Before Sunrise (1995)

Before Sunrise (1995) reminds me of my own story somehow. It’s about an american man met a french woman on a train, they talked, they connected and decided to spend one night together, just one night though because the man had to fly back to America in the morning.

I can relate to the woman, Celine. She’s smart, she’s passionate, she’s creative, she’s honest, she doesn’t tip toe around the matter. She’s realistic, she’s objective, but she still has some naivety and a glimpse of optimism in her. She’s a bit of a hopeless romantic though she’s aware of the depressing reality. She does overthink and make things complicated but then she can make a decision and take an action.

The man, Jesse, resembles someone I know, his cynicism and mannerism, the way he caresses a woman, only he’s much of a talker. He’s witty, he’s funny, he’s straightforward but never forceful, and he’s rational. It’s like he’s actually sensitive and can be surprisingly romantic, but he’s got beaten by reality. His heart is still warm from the breaking. He’s hurt so decided to take a different approach to view life. That’s how he’s wrapped in cynicism and always dragging people’s feet down to the ground before they get hang up on uncertainty, like some bullshit dreams, the disillusioned lies that will make them feel good about themselves only to be disappointed in the end.

His cynicism may upset her, and her dreamy naivety can make him frown. But other than that, they get along well, and able to fall in love with each other despite the very short time span they’ve spent together.

They talked about a lot of things, ranging from death, reincarnation, man-woman, also love. And it’s eye opening, quite awakening, to see love through different perspectives, using the same lens: experience (or in other word: reality). How we’ve got this idealism, this wishful abstraction, concept and theory about love planted, ingrained in each one of us, to expect the best, unselfish, giving, forever lasting kind of love. So we project this image of love unto someone, the more we know about them, the more we realize they do not fit in with the high standard that demands perfection in loving, we’re disappointed and we choose to leave, searching for perfection only to be disappointed again and again, because there is no such thing. Then we may get traumatized, distant ourselves, shutting our hearts, afraid to love. Because it’s not love that’s deeply flawed, it’s not love being such a stupid bullshit, it’s our perception of love that’s not quite wise.

Love is at the attempt, the attempt to get to know someone, understand them, and accept them. To acknowledge and be ready for all the shortcomings that may come, the aches, the trying and failing, and that it can end at any times. That’s where the magic is, not at the point A or point B or both, but the space in between. Perhaps love is not given, it’s not destined, it’s not a fate we shall do nothing about. Love is, mostly, human’s work.

Before Sunset (2004)

I don’t have anything much to say about the second movie. Aside from talking about the current state of the world, the depressing state of life in general, this movie is about failing to make connection with other after realizing we’ve found the one. It’s a hard task to love someone else, knowing your perfect half is somewhere out there in this world. Thus even though we’re with our lover, we’ll still feel lonely, because deep down we’re longing for that one that’s got away. And it’s possible to love someone and when space and time separate us from that person, we will never recover until we’re brought back together, because we know we’re meant to be.

Although here are some quotes from the movie yelled out by Celine that I find resonance with:

I mean, I’m really happy only when I’m on my own. Even being alone, it’s better than sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It’s not so easy for me to be a romantic. You start off that way, and after you’ve been screwed over a few times you forget about your delusional ideas and you take what comes into your life. That’s not even true. I haven’t been screwed over I’ve just had too many blah relationships. They weren’t mean, they cared for me but there were no real connection or excitement. At least, not from my side.

……

You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It’s funny, every single of my exes, they’re now married. Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married. And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is and that I taught them to care and respect women. I want to kill them! Why didn’t they ask me? I would have said no, but they could have asked! I know it’s my fault because I never felt it was the right man. Never. But what does it mean, the right man, the love of your life? The concept is absurd. We can only be complete with another person. It’s evil, right? I guess I’ve been heartbroken too many times and then I recovered. So now, you know, from the starts, I make no effort.

– Celine in Before Sunset (2004)

Before Midnight

Love fades eventually, even when we’re assured we’re with the one. This fact only affirms the last bit I wrote about Before Sunrise (1995), that love is mostly human’s work. If we want it to last, we have to ceaselessly work on it, revive the old flames we had when we first met, we have to put up with all the disappointment, the conflicts, and resolve it.

It only gets more complicated once we have kids. Our kid is almost like this invisible bound that can’t be cut off completely from our exes, especially when it involves marriage, you know, legal stuff. We still have to deal with our exes no matter how we hate each other’s guts for the sake of our kids. And our current partner maybe get dragged into this storm, and get hurt in the process.

Romantic love is a team work between the two parties. Making compromises, being the bigger heart to apologize first, being even the more bigger heart to forgive. This reminds me of a quote from a recent movie, Corpus Christi (2019), “Forgive means love, love someone  despite their guilt, no matter what the guilt is”. I thought to myself, dear Lord that one’s going to be the most difficult part. Loving despite the guilt, putting aside our wounds, though it may never be healed we must cover it and accept that life must still go on. So it’s still possible for a man to mess around, having affairs or sexual encounter with another person, even though they’re with the one they love the most, like Jesse did. And added with some very complicated situation Celine was ready to walk away.

In Before Sunset (2004), as I mentioned before, Celine’s ideal of romantic love had been shattered by reality. And at this point, her definition of love is completely ruined, she no longer knows what love is. Her vision about love and the reality seems so distant, like they’re two entirely different things. And that’s when Jesse comes to remind her what true love is in real life, not some tales fed to us by some children entertainment. Here’s what he said to Celine:

What, that you don’t love me anymore? I figured you didn’t mean it, but if you did, then.. Oh, fuck it. Know something? You’re just like the little girls and everybody else. You wanna live inside some fairy tale. I’m just trying to make things better. I tell you I love you, I tell you you’re beautiful. I tell you that your ass looks great when you’re 80. I’m trying to make you laugh. All right, I put up with plenty of your shit. And if you think I’m just some dog who’s gonna keep coming back, you’re wrong. But if you want true love, then this is it. This is real life. It’s not perfect, but it’s real. And if you can’t see it, then you’re blind,all right, and I give up.

-Jesse Wallace in Before Midnight (2013)

This trilogy marks how important communication is in a relationship. That’s why throughout these movies we mainly witness this couple walking and talking, some may find it boring, but I think Richard Linklater is clever in keeping the conversation flows naturally while remain being fascinating to the audience. And to be honest I myself get hurt watching this movie, to realize that true love in reality is far from this perfect fantasy of living faithfully happily ever after with your perfect love one. But that’s life, we must accept it, take it or leave it.